for sale

Having a garage sale should coincide with having your head examined. It's always more work than you expect and parting with stuff that has been hanging around the house for decades is traumatic, although I must admit, in a liberating sort of way. Do I keep the punch bowl and cups that I cannot ever remember using - but then what if I suddenly need it for a punch loving crowd I'm forced to entertain? How about the stack of brand new bandannas that I once thought would make darling dinner napkins. For what - a hoe down? I also discovered I owned more purses than Imelda had shoes.

For several days I collected things from all around the house finding items I'm not even sure were ever ours, put an ad in the newspaper, and made a few signs. The day of the sale, I was up early and hauled things out, displaying them as attractively as one could in a driveway on up-ended boxes and old card tables. And then buyers came. They came in all shapes and sizes and with decidedly different styles of shopping. Some glanced around hurriedly and left without a word as if I was wasting their time. Hey, no one asked you to come - well okay, I guess my ad did. Others came and asked questions like, "do you have any watches?" Me - "uh, no" - "are you sure, cuz that's what I'm looking for today" Me -"sorry, no watches". That prompted a look as if I was deliberately withholding the very watch he was looking for just out of spite. One thing in the sale was a pair of lamps - brand new, I might add - that were marked - "PAIR of lamps $15". All day I was asked if EACH lamp was $15. I always referred to the sign but it never seemed to register. I wonder if they are equally confused when buying a PAIR of shoes. The lamps did sell but not before one lady asked if I would take $4 for the pair. She asked in a way that implied my lamps were so awful, she was doing me a favor by taking them away before neighbors would start talking behind my back about how hideous they were. I politely declined her offer thinking I would rather throw them both down on the driveway and stomp them to bits before letting HER buy them for even a $100 EACH!

And so went the day. The weather was beautiful and I did have a good book to read and a full pot of coffee to enjoy while sitting outside. The sale was a success if success is measured by what is left - which is nothing. No, everything didn't sell, but some cash was made and better still the leftovers were driven to Goodwill where other shoppers can sneer or rejoice over them - without me.